Single moms say all the time how they wish they had more help. They want help with the kids, the chores, finances. They say they want more time in the day, more time to themselves. But when it comes down to people saying “Hey I can help!” or “What do you need?”, we clam up tighter than a kid refusing to eat vegetables. Instead we smile and say “Oh thanks, but I got this”. Why do we do that? Why are we rejecting the one thing we want the most?
Sabotage. Victim mentality. Pride. All of it.
You know the saying that it takes a village to raise a child? Of course it does because it’s freaking hard! We are raising humans with their own minds and their own will and trying every day to make the best decisions that we can without completely f*cking up their life and ours! We’re not meant to do it alone. But for some reason we have it in our head that if we accept help it means we are weak, we can’t do it all, we’re not a good mom.
That’s the real reason right? If we don’t prove that we can do this on our own, then we must not be a good mom. That’s complete and utter BS. And you know it.
I can tell you that I took all the help that I could get and it wasn’t much. My ex-husband was gone, my mom was ill for a long time plus lived an hour away. No other grandparents available. Siblings spread across the state.
So when someone asked me if they could take the kids, did I need a break, would I like some help? You betcha. However, I didn’t agree right away. In the beginning I had the same mentality as all the other single moms. I was independent. I didn’t need anyone else’s help. I was just fine doing it on my own. But the truth is, I needed help. I was tired. Exhausted. Dropping into bed at night by 8pm when the kids went to sleep. I was NOT one of those moms who stayed up til midnight so that I had me time. Nope, sleep was it for me. I made sure I got my 8-10 hours lol.
I learned early on as a single mom that I had to accept the help when I could because I never knew when it would be offered again. So take the help. Go have fun. Enjoy your time. It’s few and far between but it sure does feed the soul!
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